Spider-Man Orientation
by Ink Spotz
Summary: Aside from being asked to testify at Vulture's trial, Peter Parker thinks that his life might finally start to be normal for once. However, a new villain soon seems to emerge from within Midtown Science and Tech; a villain that is about to have Peter Parker face the orientation of a lifetime. (My idea for the squeal to "Spider-Man Homecoming").


Chapter One

Peter had lived with his Aunt for a while now, and he honestly had never heard her curse so much. He sat on the living room couch, still half dressed in his Spider-Man getup. He should have known that his Aunt wouldn't be gone for that long. He supposed he was just never home this early so he couldn't gauge it appropriately.

"Aunt May, calm down..."

"Calm down? Me? After finding out that you're that...that spider thing..."

"It's Spider-Man actually..."

"But you're not a man! You're a fifteen year old boy! A fifteen year old boy in my charge for that matter. You're the Spider Juvenile!"

Peter let out a sigh as he watched Aunt May stroll into the kitchen. She seemed to be scanning the papers attached to the fridge thoroughly, obviously looking for something.

"Aunt May, what are you doing?"

"I'm looking for Tony Stark's number. It was his fault all this happened, isn't it?"

When Peter hesitated to answer in order to word his response right, Aunt May took it as confirmation of her suspicion. She fixed Peter with a look that read 'I told you so' before searching the fridge with a renewed fervor.

"I told you that Stark was no good. I had my doubts about you taking the internship in the first place! What did he think he was doing putting a kid in danger?..."

"But I'm not a kid, Aunt May," said Peter finally. Sighing, he reached up to run a hand through his hair, "See, I knew you'd react this way. That's why I didn't tell you."

"So you figured it would be better to lie to me, hmm?" She asked, finally yanking a slip of paper free from the fridge.

"Not lying, per say. Just not telling you the whole truth. I mean...this was all part of the Stark Internship."

"Well that is ending. You're going to be a normal boy with a normal life..."

Peter watched Aunt May snatch up the phone, dialing Tony Stark's number.

* * *

Tony had just managed to escape the reporters in the other room after announcing his engagement to Pepper when he heard his cell phone start to go off. Pulling it out of his breast pocket to look at the screen, he lifted his sunglasses to squint at the caller ID as if he were reading it wrong.

"Happy?" Tony started as he made his way down the few short steps to the main hall. "Did you drop that kid back home?"

"Course," said Happy as he rose from his chair. "He was yammering all the way back home about how pumped he was he passed your test."

"Pumped?" asked Tony with a raised brow as he looked up from his cell phone screen to look at Happy.

"His words. Not mine, sir," said Happy as he stood in front of Tony. "Why are you asking anyway? Something wrong?"

"I'm just wondering why his Aunt is calling me right now."

"How should I know?" asked Happy. "I did what you said."

"Maybe she's asking me for a date since I'm being such a good influence on her nephew. Maybe she's calling to lather me with praise."

"Ah huh," said Happy, not believing that was the case. "Well, why don't you answer and find out?"

"You're right. I should answer. Yes. I should," said Tony as if he weren't intending to answer it the whole time. "At any rate, I'll have to tell her that I'm off the market."

Happy rolled his eyes before walking back to the chair he had been comfortably sitting in. Tony touched the screen to pick up the call and put it up to his ear.

"Stark."

* * *

Peter laid sprawled on his back on the couch, staring up at the living room ceiling as Aunt May paced back and forth in the kitchen until Tony Stark finally decided to pick up on the call.

"I hope you have a perfectly good explanation for all this," said Aunt May, seething with rage.

Tony smirked, bringing the phone away from his ear. He put his hand gently over the speaker for a second to mouth over at Happy, "She's got the hots for me." He smirked a bit wider before putting the phone back to his ear.

"Perfectly good explanation? For helping you rear an amazing boy?"

* * *

"BOY! Exactly! He's a boy! And cut the -"

Peter's phone rang rather loudly just then, blocking out the curse that had just left Aunt May's mouth. Peter quickly sat up on the couch to see that Liz's picture was on his phone screen. His heart beat fast in his chest. She was calling him. He should pick up. He should...

The phone was snatched from his hands, and a bewildered Peter looked up to see that Aunt May was now holding it in her free hand, mouthing the words, "You're grounded" at him before turning her full attention back to the call with Stark.

"You nearly got him killed!"

* * *

Tony's brows rose in shock. It took him a minute to put two and two together. He brought the phone away from his ear again to look at Happy.

"I knew he couldn't keep his mouth shut," Tony muttered.

"Who? The kid?"

"No! My dog Bingo! Of course I mean the kid!" said Tony to Happy rather loudly.

* * *

"Who are you talking to?" asked Aunt May, walking back into the kitchen and putting Peter's phone on the kitchen counter.

Peter eyed his phone from his seat in the living room before looking down at his hands. He _di_ d still have the Spider-Man suit on. Maybe if he was stealthy enough...

When Aunt May turned her back, he quietly rose from the couch. He tip-toed his way to the kitchen, trying to avoid attracting her attention by not stepping on the creaky floorboards.

"Well, no matter who or what you're talking to, I want you to listen closely..."

* * *

"Now hold on a second. _Wha_ t I'm talking to? Do you think I'm talking to a mirror?"

Tony was starting to get frustrated with Aunt May, and since he was getting frustrated, his sarcastic side was starting to show. Happy could tell that Tony was starting to get in a sarcastic mood, rising from his chair with a long sigh of, "Here it comes."

"I don't know who you think you're talking to, but just to make it clear, you do realize that you're talking to _the_ Tony Stark, right?"

* * *

"I better be!" shouted Aunt May in exasperation at Tony's remark.

Peter poked his head part way into the kitchen to eye his cell phone on the counter nearby. He watched the screen light up with yet another call from Liz. He brought up a hand, quickly shooting a web towards the phone to bring it towards him. The web caught onto the phone before bringing it back to his palm. A smile appeared on Peter's face.

"Gotcha..." He whispered. He was just about to accept the call when he was startled by Aunt May grabbing him by the ear.

"Ow. Ow. _Ow_! May!" groaned Peter as she led him by the ear back to the couch, forcing him to sit once more.

She took the phone from Peter's hand once he was seated on the couch again; this time tucking it into her pocket.

"I want to know why you put Peter in danger," continued Aunt May as she turned from Peter. "He's a fifteen year old boy! He's not some kind of...of...vigilante in spandex!"

* * *

"Spandex?! You actually think that's what the kid's suit is made of? Look, he's fine, is he not? Not a hair was harmed on his little head."

Tony took the phone away from his ear, shoving it at Happy's chest. Aunt May's shrill, but garbled, yelling could be hear through the phone.

"Deal with this," said Tony to Happy as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "I really can't stand her anymore."

Happy opened his mouth as if he were about to say something to Tony, but thought better of it and put the phone to his ear.

"I'm sure Mr. Stark didn't mean to cause you to worry about Peter's safety."

* * *

"He did not just pass me off to his secretary!" fumed Aunt May. "Look, put Mr. Stark on the phone again this instant."

"Maybe I could try talking to him, Aunt May," piped up Peter.

"No," said Aunt May, turning to look at him momentarily. "I have this handled. Just...just stay put."

Peter sighed, throwing his head back to look at the ceiling again as Aunt May turned back around.

* * *

"I think she really wants to speak to you again, Tony," said Happy as he brought the phone away from his ear.

"Well, I don't want to speak to her. I'm disinterested in the conversation," remarked Tony.

Pepper walked in just then, letting out a sigh as the doors slapped shut behind her.

"Finally got all those reporters to go away," Pepper said to Tony as she walked over to him, "They've been here for hours, even though your thoughtful engagement took all of two minutes, if that."

She looked at the engagement ring on her finger before looking back at Tony.

"Do you want the ring back?" she asked.

"No. It's for you."

"You sure? I mean..."

"This is not the time for you two love birds to get at it," hissed Happy. "I have a distressed Aunt on the line."

Pepper looked puzzled, waiting for Tony to give her an explanation. When he didn't, she looked at Happy, fixing him with a gaze.

"What did he do?"

"I love how you always assume that it's something _I_ did something wrong" muttered Tony as he sat on a chair, massaging his temple.

"Ninety nine percent of the time, it _is_ something you've done, and I'm being generous saying that. Should be more like a hundred percent of the time," asserted Pepper, shooting Tony a look before addressing Happy, "Happy, who's calling?"

"Peter's aunt. She's not too happy about Peter being Spider-Man."

"Let me talk to her if Tony's too much of a juvenile to handle this himself."

"Juvenile? I am not. Look," Tony shot up out of the chair, snatching the phone from the startled Happy's hand, "Look, May. I made sure that Peter was safe. I have been keeping a close eye on him this whole time to ensure that nothing bad happens to him. At least _I_ know where he is unlike you."

"Oh Tony..." sighed Pepper as she clapped a hand to her forehead.

* * *

"Well, I'll be knowing exactly where Peter is for a while now. He's grounded for the foreseeable future."

Peter puffed his cheeks before letting out a long sigh.

"I saw that," said Aunt May as she turned then to see Peter sighing. He held up his hands in defense before she turned her back on him again to pay full attention to the call.

"And for another thing, I'm removing Peter from any association with you or any of your associates. I knew that something was up what with this Stark Internship popping up out of the blue. Granted, Peter is a brilliant boy, but he's not some experiment of yours, understand?"

Before Tony had a chance to give her another rebuttal, Aunt May hung up the phone. She put it aside, looking at Peter.

"There. I'm done with that conversation. Now as for you, young man..."

"You just called me man," teased Peter with a small grin; a grin that caused Aunt May to fix him with another look.

Aunt May pointed a finger towards his bedroom.

"Go to your room and take that suit off. Then you're to give it to me, and then you're going to stay in your room until further notice."

"But Aunt _May_..."

"Now," she said firmly.

Not used to her being such a disciplinarian, but realizing it was because she was worried about his safety, Peter rose from the couch to walk towards his room. Peter entered his room, about to shut his door when he remembered something. He turned, looking at Aunt May as she was running a hand over her forehead.

"Do you think I can at least have my phone back, Aunt May?"

Aunt May looked towards Peter.

"NO! Prisoners don't get phone calls! Not in Aunt May's detention facility."

She looked about her then, picking up a pillow off the couch to throw at the door. Peter saw the pillow coming and quickly shut the bedroom door before it hit him. Sighing, he leaned his back against the other side of the door.

"Genius work, Parker. Genius. You're probably grounded now until you're an old man."

* * *

"She hung up on me," said Tony in utter disbelief. "She actually had the guts to hang up on me."

"Ha. Go girl," said Pepper.

"Seriously? You're on her side and not mine?" asked Tony. "Never mind. Why am I surprised?"

Tony turned to look at Happy, who was awkwardly standing nearby like a third wheel.

"We need to head to Queens. I need to talk to the kid's aunt."

"Are you sure that's a wise idea?" asked Happy.

"Look, remember who pays you. Remember who your boss is..."

Happy's eyes gravitated towards Pepper for a second. Tony threw his arms up into the air upon seeing that.

"I can't believe you think _she'_ s the boss."

Tony saw Pepper open her mouth as if she were about to say something about that. Tony held up a hand to stop her before any words left her mouth.

"No. I don't want to hear it." Tony moved to walk past Happy, throwing a hand up into the air and snapping his fingers."Come on. I want to be there before I'm an old man."

Pepper and Happy both watched as Tony walked out the door. Pepper crossed her arms, looking towards Happy.

"Watch out for him, would you?"

"Don't I always?" asked Happy with a small smirk, sighing as he moved to follow Tony out the door to take him to Queens.


End file.
